Talking About Life (and Death), With or Without a Diagnosis
“Choose life,” we’re reminded in the book of Deuteronomy. What does it mean to choose life these days? Researching treatment options, rigorous self-care, focusing on the positive, hoping (and praying) for cure/no evidence of disease/remission… these are new ways we choose life post-diagnosis.
“…my cancer diagnosis was really scary …. I was thankful that a lot of basic things like wills and medical decisions were already something that Ben and I spoke about, so I didn’t have to include that in my additional planning,” said Meredith L., a beneficiary of Sharsheret support and Shomer Collective support.
92% of Americans say it’s important to discuss their wishes for end-of-life care, regardless of whether or not they are facing a life-altering illness, yet only one-third of the people in the US have had such a conversation.* Why is it so hard for us to talk about the inevitable? After all, we’re all born mortal. And yet somewhere along the way, so many of us learned not to talk about “the D words” (death and dying), to focus on the good, the positive, to focus on life… too often, at the expense of doing the hard work of planning for the future.
“Sharsheret has been really great because they meet you where you’re at, so if you don’t have some of those longer-term needs in place, they can guide you… It feels so reassuring to know that there’s a place that not only understands the medical side of it but the Jewish heritage side as well, and I know we’re always in good hands with their guidance,” added Meredith.
For example, Jewish wisdom reminds us that confronting our mortality can help us live with greater intention and connection: Rabbi Eliezer teaches in the Talmud that we should repent one day before we die. His students ask, “How do we know when that will be?” And from this teaching, we learn that we should live our lives in a state of preparedness, with the awareness that tomorrow is never guaranteed… for any of us, whether or not we have a diagnosis.
What does it mean to be prepared for the end of life while living life to the fullest? It means having open, honest conversations with those closest to us about our values, our priorities, and our wishes. It means normalizing talking about mortality, while choosing life. It can be frightening to think about death and dying, even without a cancer diagnosis; all the more so can planning for end-of-life care cause fear in the face of a serious illness. But by talking about the reality of life in the face of death, we have the opportunity to grow, to love, and to learn more than we would if we avoided it.
Expressing our wishes for how we want to live, knowing that none of us will live forever, can be a gift to those who may care for us in the future. Taking care of the business of death while we are most alive allows us to focus on living, alleviating the burdens of decision-making too often left to our loved ones.
What matters most to you, and what are you going to do about it today?